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A lot of people expected Kate Gosselin to go home last week because she was so bad and we see enough of her on the newsstands already. Jake Pukevelka and Chelsie Hightower: Jake threw a hissyfit during rehearsals because he thought Chelsie was talking to him "disrespectfully." What a something-you-call-a-lady-part. Niecy Nash and Louis Van Amstel: Their waltz portrayed an interracial couple in the 60s and their forbidden love. I don't know, but timely Clash of the Titans references are always appreciated. She said her kids and Tommy Lee loved her performances, but they didn't vote, so it's basically all their fault. Their paso doble story featured her as a gypsy flamenco dancer who's in love with a matador but is totally against what he stands for. Kate Gosselin and Tony Dovolani: Their paso doble featured Tony as a pesky paparazzi and Kate as the harassed celebrity. I keep waiting for her to have a genuine smile, or laugh for real, or just do something, ANYTHING that makes me think, "Huh, maybe all those stories about her are wrong." It just never happens. It was cute and really good, but apparently they broke a whole bunch of rules so the judges were pissed.
But what those people forget is that everyone knows who Kate is right now, and that recognizability inevitably equals votes. This week, the celebs had to dance a quickstep, waltz or paso doble that told a story. Len said the routine had an "innocent charm," but that the technique was poor, the steps were oversimplified and there was no performance quality. Their quickstep was about Jake, an Indiana Jones-type character, discovering Chelsie, as Cleopatra, in an Egyptian tomb. The judges agreed that the performance quality was good, but Carrie Ann said Jake's knees were soft and Bruno thought his feet were muddled. Just talking about the concept made both Niecy and Louis tear up in rehearsals, and Louis said that he's "still in that boat" in regard to "forbidden love," since he is a gay man who cannot get married in this country. Chad Ochocinco and Cheryl Burke: Their paso doble was about him trying to seduce her, but she wanted nothing to do with him. Charo swung by their rehearsals to give Pam some pointers and rename Pam's breasts "big maracas." Doesn't Charo make everything more enjoyable? The song choice for Pam's dance was completely weird (Please Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood) and it kind of looked like she made herself dizzy at certain points, but I like her. Erin Andrews and Maksim Russian Last Name: So these two are hooking up right? Their waltz was "all about trust," according Erin, which meant Maks blindfolded her for 75% of it. Bruno (half) joked that next, they'd be using handcuffs. During rehearsal, Tony brought in an acting coach to help Kate channel her anger into the dance, but man, he should demand his money back because Kate is just completely devoid of any discernible, and therefore likable, personality whatsoever. My favorite part about their performance was when it was over (haha, but that's not a joke), because Brooke Burke asked Kate about being followed by the paparazzi and ol' Pukevelka was in the background, nodding his head along with Kate's answer, like he so knows what she's been through. Len didn't even think it was a good quickstep, but Carrie Ann thought it was darn entertaining.
Despite new locations and challenges every week, the show has become predictable.It has nothing to do with making the leg more interesting for viewers.To eliminate these equalizers and ease the strain on the production staff, I wish that all long-distance travel between locations would take place off-camera.If anything, the U-Turn typically hastens the exit of strong or controversial teams, making the race less competitive and the show less interesting for viewers. Casting easily labeled pairs — "The Brothers," "The Gay Couple," "The Mother-Daughter Team" — surely forces producers to reject some compelling teams each season because their role has already been filled by another team. Qualities like humor and competitiveness should trump filling certain demographic niches.To that end, I propose winnowing down the number of teams.